The Covenant of Marriage

There has been an unusual number of weddings this summer. We personally will have six of them and then Deb as a marriage coordinator I think has something like nine. We went to a wonderful one yesterday with a couple that we mentored. As marital mentors, we go through 6-8 fairly intensive weeks of material. We are very frank with them. Marriage isn't a bed of roses and there are struggles. Our first ten years of marriage were brutal. We had all sorts of baggage. Well, why didn't we pack it in (pun intended)? It was because of the marriage covenant.

We sign all sorts of contracts in life. I have a lease sitting on my desk that requires a notary public. I have to find someone who is trained to observe and signature and attest to the same. The wedding ceremony is a ratification before witnesses of a contract. Well, why does it matter? Lots of people say well if we love each other and are committed to each other, isn't that good enough? Short answer - no! A contractual covenant is still vital because it says before God and witnesses that we are fully committed to it. It more than matters - it is essential.

What preserved our marriage was a commitment to the contractual covenant. And a strange thing happened over time. God knit our hearts together. Things that were obstacles for the bad became differences for the good. The things about Deb that annoyed me (why can't she be more like me?), now I can celebrate with full earnestness.

There is a term for covenant love. It is the word "agape" which is the love of Christ for His church. It is unconditional love. Most business contracts are bi-lateral which means both sides have to deliver their bill of the goods. Some people see that as the 50-50 marriage. But the marriage contract is unilateral. It requires nothing of the other person. I have to love that person regardless of what that person does. Again God does the work because if both are committed to agape love, you get not the 50-50 marriage but the 300% marriage which is 1+1=3.

Welcome Michael and Shelley to this wonderful covenant!  May God truly bless your new union.

A Promise I Made 30 Years Ago

Tomorrow, I will be celebrating 30 years of keeping a promise. I made a promise 30 years ago to take a person, Debbie to be my wife. I promised that I would love and cherish her as my wife for a duration of time - till death do us part. I made a contract (a covenant) in front of God and witnesses. The contract had a symbol in the form of a ring. I still wear that ring and it reminds me of the contract I entered into. And in the beauty of old technology, here is that promise I made.

 

Marriage is very hard. Deb and I love mentoring young couples that look starry-eyed at each other not knowing what the future holds. We say that the first 10 years of our marriage were pretty brutal. We say that we both made a promise and God honored that promise. The promise is what mattered - the feelings come along. I "feel" more strongly about Debbie than I ever have but those feelings are secondary and come from the promise.

We live in a world where promises have little resolve. We hear of marriages where the couples "grow apart". We look for compatibility using online dating sites. We "try it out" by living together. Trying it out sounds logical, but without the covenant promise it carries no weight. I am utterly convinced and so is Deb that God saved our marriage by a) us honoring the promise we made, and b) us committing our marriage to prayer. I heard a statistic just this week that marriages have a divorce rate of 1 in 1500 where the couples pray together. The general odds are 50/50. It does not surprise me - marriage truly is supernatural! God weaves together two broken, selfish, sinful people together as a couple. The marriage union is a symbol of Christ's love for His people the church. It is the closest thing we get on this earth to the supernatural union of Christ with us. Christ's love for us was evident for us on the cross and ratified with these words "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5). When I make a marriage promise, I am using these same words.

A Lasting Marriage is Supernatural

“Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the Church”
Ephesians 5:25

This past week was Valentines Day.  It is a day that makes a romantic out of each of us that are not wired that way naturally.  Personally, I think the florists and chocolatiers invented this day.  I did my usual – going to pick up some flowers and a card.  I know I can do better and from time to time I can surprise myself and Debsue.  Debsue made a very nice dinner.  I know I am married to someone special – I don’t need a day to remind me of that fact.  Now that we are empty nesters, it is really fun actually getting to spend frequent time with her.  We recently instituted Friday night pizza and movie night and we are making our way through the Lord of the Rings trilogy (extended edition). 

It has not always been this way.  Our marriage was really rocky the first few years and I was questioning in my mind whether we could make it.  Both of us were trying to make each other the ideal mate to meet our expectations.  After we came to an end of this hopeless cause, we asked the Lord to change ourselves.  The transformation did no occur overnight, it occurred gradually fermenting the seeds of a solid marriage.  But make no mistake, it did happen.  The commitment to bring our marriage before the Lord preceded the feelings.  I am amazed any marriage can survive based on a worldly approach.  My guess is that if Debsue and I filled out a matchmaker type survey, we would have found there was no way we were compatible.  We had different interests – like she was smart, well rounded and I was not.  But a supernatural transformation made our marriage come together.  And so here we are coming up on 26 years. 

It has not been and will continue to not be easy.  Satan would love nothing better than to disrupt our marriage.  My prayer has always been to protect my marriage from fleshly impulses – that the weapons we avail have the power to demolish strongholds (2 Cor. 10:4).  It has also been to mold me into a Godly husband with a commitment to a godly marriage.  I have seen my wife in like manner transformed and the resultant joy that comes from that.  I know God can supernaturally transform any marriage because I have seen it firsthand.