What Makes a Marriage Work?

This past week, Deb and I celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary.  Seems like just yesterday we were married.  This is what we looked like then.

Ahh, so happy, so in love!  Except that is not the truth.  Our first ten years or so of marriage were brutal.  We are pre-marital mentors at our church Christ Community Chapel and the first thing we tell our candidate couples is that the euphoria of marriage wears off very quickly.  I remember on our honeymoon thinking I married the wrong person.  

A turning point occurred around year 10 when we both attended a conference entitled “Management and Marriage” sponsored by Fellowship of Companies for Christ and it caused both of us to look inwardly and instead of trying to change the other person, we asked God to change us.  And God indeed changed us.  And in the process of changing us, He fitted us together more and more as a couple.  The process caused us to appreciate more and more what each other had as strengths rather than perceived weaknesses.  When we honor God’s covenant of marriage and commit to holy living, He changes us.  So a successful marriage is supernatural.  That is what we tell our couples.

So what makes a marriage work?  Here are some tips from the Dan and Debbie school of hard knocks.

1. A commitment to the covenant of marriage.  You pledged “till death do us part” in front of witnesses and God.
2. Pray that you will be conformed to who God wants you to be for your spouse and don’t try to change your spouse.
3. Don’t expect your spouse to change, but don’t be surprised if they do (see #2).
4. Communicate even when it hurts. 
5. Don’t use rule #4 as an excuse to hurt your spouse – see rule #6.
6. Pick your battles – Lord knows my wife has.
7. Be upfront on practical issues, especially money.
8. Never put your spouse down in front of others including your children.  Watch “prayer requests” about your spouse with others.
9. Praise your spouse often, especially in front of others.  Works great with guys especially coming from their wife.
10. Do stuff together – Deb has acquired a taste for baseball as an example and I just enjoy going on trips with her.
11. Eat meals together – we ate many meals together as a family and it was foundational. 
12. Laugh a lot – we do.  Someone has said a marriage makes life twice as much fun and lessens half the stress.  No doubt about it.
13. Be committed to God’s word in your family. 
14. Be committed to personal holiness.  The difference in my life especially in the past few years is that commitment. 
15. Place your spouse above all else behind your Lord and Saviour.

My wife is more lovely to me by far today than when we got married.  She is my best friend on this earth.  God has woven us together over the past 27 years and I am blessed for it.  Here is what we look like now. 

This picture is taken on one of our many adventures to the Taj Mahal (we never actually went in but that is another story).  While the body sags and hair turns gray, the marriage journey becomes even more special and even more rewarding.  There is a reason it is the picture that Christ uses with his church.  I pray that you will find the same joy in your marriage.  God can heal any marriage just as He did ours.