Identity

What is your identity? I participated for many years in a personal strategic planning group called Focus Four. One of the exercises of Focus Four was to identify all of the roles that you play in your life and how you can be better at them. I am a husband, a father, a friend, a brother, a son, an entrepreneur and so on and so forth. Roles are factual - I am a husband because I am married (to a wonderful woman for 32 years I might add). I am a dad because I have three daughters (and wonderful ones they are). You get the idea.

I say that because roles define our identity. Sometimes however, roles get mixed up with beliefs or even worse opinions. Congressman Steve Scalise was targeted because he was a Republican. Our country has become increasingly polarized by this process of mixing up beliefs and roles.  It seems to be a problem on all ends of the political spectrum. We can disagree, but if you and I are friends, that is our role. Your opinions don't change that fact.


For the Christian, this is becoming even more and more of a problem. I don't even like to use the word Christian any more to describe me because people automatically assume I have a set of opinions and beliefs that cloud the only thing that matters. Increasingly, I like to use the word "Christ follower". The early church was described as "The Way" patterned after John 14:6 where Jesus said "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No man comes to Father except through me".  Christianity was never designed to represent a set of political beliefs. Some of my well meaning Christian friends seem to have lost sight of this fact.

As a Christ follower, I am called to influence the world through internal change in the lives of people. Some people refer to this as the cultural mandate. I can serve the culture I live in and impact people that way. Peter says I am an ambassador. An ambassador comes from somewhere else and represents something else. We might say well that was then and this is now. But at the time of that writing Rome was the dominant power and Rome had slavery, abortion, infanticide, rampant sexual deviancy, and so forth. Yet there is not one word in the New Testament about the Christian trying to change this culture through demonstrations or political insurrections. One of Christ's disciples even changed from being an insurrectionist - his name was Simon the Zealot.

The change was through the change of hearts, one heart at a time. What I know and can testify to is that Christ changed my heart and my life many years ago. If I believe that Christ changed me and many like me, I have internal evidence. And if I believe that I can have a relationship with the creator God because of this, I am compelled to share this news which we call the Good News. Everything else I can do is a smokescreen to this.

Impact!

For those who played baseball or golf, there is a sound and a feeling that is unmistakable. The ball hits a sweet spot on the bat that generates the most impact. The ball feels like it literally jumps off the bat and you pretty much know it immediately. I hit one like this last week (about 330 feet - not bad for a 57 year old with a wood bat) and it keeps you going playing a kids sport. I won't mention that in the same game I struck out twice.

When we think about what is best for our kids, it is not happiness, but impact. Impact comes behind righteousness (or holiness) but it is it's cousin. To be righteous and be productive in our troubled world means to make an impact. I remember the people that have made the most impact on me - people that took an interest in me and mentored me. My dad and father-in-law certainly are among those people. Deb and I are marriage mentors and it seems like so much to spend 16 weeks or so investing so much in one couple, but it is so worth it if we can make an impact on their marriage.

I think it is for that reason that I don't really think about retirement in the traditional sense. The need to make an impact lasts for a lifetime. I think the best years of impact-building in my life are still ahead. The thought of no impact and living only for myself seems fruitless. I think of the words of Paul - "do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interest of others" (Phil. 2:3-4).

Do you think of impact-building in this way? On this Fathers Day, are you building into the life of others? It is never too late to start.

The Lost Art of Conversation

I love social media. It has brought me into contact with people I probably would not have stayed in contact with. It keeps me connected with those closest to me. My daughter is halfway across the world right now, yet she feels so close because of social media. Yet, for all its positives, I fear social media is causing more harm than good. One of the ways it is causing harm is it virtually eliminates conversation.

I can think of many ways to illustrate this, but let me share a couple. First your urge to engage in virtual activity hurts your ability to engage in interpersonal activity. Walk into your nearest restaurant and look at the tables. You will find people heads-down looking at their phones while the person sitting across from them does the same thing. Deb and I were eating out at Costco (yes, I am quite the date) on the way home from work and I spotted a father and young daughter and both were looking at their phones. I don't think I saw a single word uttered between the two of them. How tragic!

Another way of harm is that social media is a one-way expression of language. When someone tweets or makes a post, they are doing so to make a unilateral statement. That is why so many get in trouble. I don't care much for Twitter and don't use it. I have trouble expressing something in few characters and developing a thought. The problem is I am conveying a thought that has to be flattened into a few characters. Then I have the problem of context and time. Someone is going to read that tweet and try to inject their own context. In a conversation, both of these are less likely to happen.

I think of Jesus and the woman at the well (John 4:7-38) as a prime example of what we lose in conversation. There is context - it is the middle of the hot summer day and a Jew and a Samaritan woman would never associate. Jesus asks her for a drink, a very unusual request under that context. She responds to ask why He would do that. He says he can provide living water which evokes curiosity. It goes back and forth with Jesus explaining what living water is and identifying with this woman's sinful lifestyle without condemning her. It is a masterful use of conversation by the Lord of the conversation. Can you imagine Jesus using texting or tweeting?

"Can u give me a drink?"

?

"Can u give me a drink?"

? - "what r u asking Jew man? I am a Samaritan."

"I can give u living water"

?

And so on it goes. I have friends that will try to engage me in long conversation via text messaging and I put a stop to it. Call me - too long to discuss in 140 character spurts. It is so easy to fall into the trap and it follows us into ordinary conversation. I find I interrupt to frequently. I don't listen intently and empathetically. My staccato use of conversation is all too easy. Force yourself to listen deeply, to listen carefully. Repeat back the person's words to them. And please put the device away during the conversation.