The doorbell rang and I opened it to see a man collecting signatures for some worthy cause. He asked if Don Amsler was home (whom he knew somewhat apparently) and we informed him that Don had passed away the previous day. This was a scene which would be repeated countless times in the past week as Papa had gone so suddenly. The man said he was sorry, then hemmed and hawed. He felt compelled to say he had recently undergone a similar experience which I could not even recall. In grief, we are not listening to others. We are in a fog as it still has not completely set in.
The Right Way to Empathy
Job's friends originally got it right. As Job sat hurting, they sat beside him for seven days and nights without saying a word (Job 2:13) as they saw the extent of his suffering. The right way to empathy is to say your sorry and then say nothing. We were so blessed that so many friends and family members did exactly that. However, the minute that Job opened his mouth, his friends felt compelled to go into "explanation mode" and defend God. Which leads us to the next lesson from Job.
The Wrong Words Are Often Used to Explain Suffering
For chapter after chapter, Job's friends feel they have to defend God and explain Job's suffering. Sorry, but God does not need our defense of him. Nor are there always explanations. Suffering occurs because we are in a sin fallen world and we don't understand all of the repercussions of that. What we can do is trust a sovereign God who is not unaware of our suffering. A friend of mine lost a wife to brain cancer - his words ring out in my ear "do the next thing", he said. In other words, take it a day at a time.
I find it interesting that God does not whitewash the foolish explanations of these men in Job. Nor does God feel obligated to refute them at the end of the book. All he says is "I am God and you are not". God does not have to answer to us and nor does God have to explain everything to us. We live with a very incomplete view and when we get to eternity, we will more fully appreciate how God uses human suffering to accomplish His purposes. Fortunately, we do see Jesus and He identified 100% with our humanity and our suffering. You want to see an example of suffering? Look to Jesus. You want to see suffering for good? Look to Jesus.
The gospels record several incidences of Jesus weeping. The first is when he observed the reaction to the death of Lazarus in John 11:35. Jesus knew He was going to raise Lazarus from the dead (John 11:4). But yet He wept anyway. The sting of death is still painful. In His humanity, Jesus identified with the pain of death. He didn't try to rationalize it or explain it and we shouldn't.
Human relationships are treasured by God and when they are cut short, it is painful. The shortest verse in the Bible is all about the pain Jesus identified with the physical death of man and the temporary separation of human relationship. John 11:38 says He was deeply moved again right before He raised Lazarus. So God in human flesh still felt the pain of death even when He knew Lazarus would be healed. God still felt our pain even though He knew Lazarus would die again and he would be in fellowship with Jesus very shortly for all eternity.
When relationships are broken through death on this earth, it grieves God just like it grieves us. We were born for relationships and when they are broken, it is painful. No amount of logic can explain it or justify it. It is what it is. The good news is we know relationships with God in the center last forever and the reuniting with loved ones on the other side of eternity will be even more joyful. Glory to God!
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