Papa, as he was affectionately called by both his children and grandchildren, left a unique legacy. I had the privilege of knowing him 30 years and here on my 54th birthday today, I am so thankful that I knew him more than half of my life. I am still shocked that he is gone. But I have had some time to ponder his unique legacy and the fact that he touched so many lives in so many different ways. As a obstetrician-gynecologist, he brought literally thousands of babies into the world. The weirdest experience I can recall is when we had our landscaper in Ohio working on a project. His mother (who was his office manager) had stopped over to pick up some paperwork. At the time, Papa and Mimi were visiting and they struck up a conversation. She recollected that her son (mid 20's) was born in Hinsdale, IL where Papa practiced and that she thought the physician was from the same practice as Papa. This prompted her to find the birth certificate where the attending physician was, guess who? This prompted a typical Papa response that "Pete hadn't changed a bit". Papa had an all business attitude in medicine and in life. He could be very intimidating to an insecure young 25 year old (which I think finally went away by say age 50). He did not mean to be intimidating. He just was one of those guys who knew practically everything and was almost always in charge. I, on the other hand, held a deep knowledge of only a few things and the two things I knew virtually nothing about were medicine and home maintenance. I am sure that was a frustration to him, especially home maintenance. He sometimes would be frustrated by what was natural to him, but very foreign to me. But over time, he seemed to accept my inabilities and developed a common conversation between us, usually centered on computers. That seemed to fit his love of gadgetry and his desire to form a bond with his son-in-law. He loved to tell me of every shareware product that he was aware of that did everything like make toast. He assumed I knew all this stuff, but as usual he held more knowledge than the guy who worked in software. But I greatly appreciated his desire to relate to me.
Debsue left a legacy to her dad on the airwaves a few years ago. Bill Bennett articulated on his Morning in America show Deb's "prayer" for her dad.
He was an intense man until the past 10 or so years as he slowed down to retirement. Because he was used to being in charge, it was sometimes difficult for him to not accept something that did not fit his expectations. There are a number of stories of him doing some things that were a tad embarrassing because he could not wait or because he expected some result that fell below his expectations. Some of us manifest things in different ways and he didn't do these things because he felt he was better than others, but because he had this innate sense of taking charge. He graduated high school at 16 and took charge every since. This was perceived as a hard edge by some.
But there is no doubt that this man had a soft side and an empathetic side to him that only became more apparent as he got older. He was incredibly supportive of my entrepreneurial bent including financially. He was a very giving man who was constantly showering us as a young couple with gifts. Early in my married life, I resented (believe it or not) his desire to give gifts. Later in life, I came to take it for granted. He passed on his gift giving to my kids, his grandchildren. Two of our kids went to Wheaton College which was a stones throw away. Papa was always there for them. He watched out for them, supported them, and made them feel so loved. When Bethany had her car issues last year, we did not hesitate to ask him and he immediately went and got her on the tollway. No questions asked!He had a wonderful sense of humor. The running joke was whether we could make it through mealtime without eventually talking about or demonstrating air emanating from either orifice (I think it was all a medical enlightening to the accountant in the room). His sense of humor was there all the way till the end of his life. Debbie and I are so grateful that we got to see him last weekend as painful as it was. He was in excruciating pain the last week of his life. However, that did not stop his dry sense of humor. When the doctor stopped in to see him, he asked who we were because he had not seen us. So Deb introduced herself as "daughter" and I introduced myself as "son-in-law" and he felt compelled to introduce himself under an oxygen mask as "patient". Another time he asked Mimi for a glass of water as she was cleaning out the phlegm that he had expended from a container. Mimi asked him if he wanted warm or cold (meaning water) to which he said "boogers are always warm".
But I am most amazed by his faith. We don't know all that is going on in a person and I have to admit that I have thought at points in time over 30 years that he had a shallow faith (never doubting his belief in Jesus). I could not have been more wrong. He was a man of very strong faith who passed on that legacy to his children and grandchildren. People are now coming out of the woodwork because of how this man touched their lives. Some of us are even more missed as when we depart this side of eternity. I suspect that we will see much of the fruit that Papa bore on this earth when we talk to folks in heaven. There is much behind the scenes that even now we are learning about. Then finally, there is how much he is already missed. I can't believe he is gone and I so much want one more chance to tell him how much I loved him and appreciated him. My kids have done that for me on my birthday today and I wish I could tell him again. But I will see him again and we will have a joyous reunion.
I remember two years ago Thanksgiving a Papa prayer. I combed through the archives and found it and have reproduced it below. It was very typical Papa - well thought through and from the heart.
Jesus asked Nicodemus about being "born again". Nicodemus thought entirely of physical birth. Don Amsler had a true perspective of the duality of physical and spiritual birth. He got it and he lived it. We are again reminded that life is brief and we only get one chance to get it right. Our legacy is our motivation. I am very confident that Jesus will be saying to Papa those words we all long to hear "Well done, good and faithful servant".
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