Destructive Anger

Those of us that are diehard Cleveland sports fans and especially Browns fans know firsthand the experience of anger. This year, it is likely that the Browns will end up with one of their worst records since they entered back into the league. There have been many Sundays where I would watch and just get myself worked up and then question why I would waste a Sunday just making myself angry. But the worst was the Monday night game, the "Kick-6" game where the Browns blew the field goal and the Ravens ran it back for a touchdown. I was watching in bed with Deb sound asleep. I jumped off the bed in a fit of anger and muttered a slew of expletives that would make even some of you blush. Deb said it was quite a show.

There are two types of anger that are talked about in the bible. The first is righteous anger which is looking at things from God's perspective. This has to do with seeing the sin in the world or violations of the moral law. That should make us angry. The other type of anger is directed towards frustrating circumstances or with people who are frustrating us. This is not a biblical type of anger. It is an insidious anger that actually harms the harbinger of the anger. It destroys the person from the inside-out.

But yet so many embrace this type of anger. We have a friend who bears a deep-seated resentment towards a deceased member of the family and will not let it go. I heard from my step-father a story of someone who he had not seen in 40 years who told him that he resented him for getting awarded a prize 40 years earlier that he thought he deserved. My step-father had no knowledge of the apparent slight but the other man obviously did for 40 years and it did nothing but harm himself. This type of anger is destructive. James says that the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. On the contrary, we are to quickly make it right and forgive the offending party. James again says - Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. 

Isn't it interesting that the remedy for anger is to be quick to hear and slow to speak. Hearing the other person often defuses the anger. Steven Covey wrote a book as a followup to the 7 Habits called the "8th Habit" which is mostly about finding what he calls the "Third Alternative". In that book, the "talking stick" is a tool to force someone to listen because whoever holds the talking stick knows he will not be interrupted. I have used that from time to time to force conflict resolution in the form of hearing. I am inspired heading into 2016 to be a man of hearing, patience and forgiveness.  It is definitely in my self-interest.

May God bless your family this Christmas and holiday season. See you in 2016.