Will Anger Lead to Action?

I was traveling this past week and I was in Austin, TX for a conference when the election results were published very early Wednesday morning. As I was walking to the conference event that morning, a cyclist whom was coming towards me and I let pass before crossing the road yelled at me "Get out of my way you bitch" (left the word in for emphasis - not a word I have ever been called). Later that night, I was walking to one of the events for this conference (the Tableau conference has 13,000 attendees so it is huge) and I got swept up in a protest by students from University of Texas at Austin. One of the video clips I took is below.

This type of anger is usually bred by frustration. When we get frustrated, we get angry and that is the definite sense I got from this protest. Judge for yourself. Anger out of frustration is rarely a good anger. Even the civil rights protests of the sixties was fueled by productive action (boycotts etc.). Not all anger is bad. Injustice should make us angry and anger then should lead to action. In this case, it is hard to label it an injustice since our election laws go back hundreds of years and are designed to prevent populous areas from dominating our vast country. Nobody is contesting the fairness of the election. There is nothing that will change. It really is just venting. Consider the protests in Portland which turned into a riot with windows being smashed and local businesses damaged. I had a coworker friend who would say to me when I would vent - "Dan, what would you want me to do". What matches anger is the ability to translate that anger to passion and passion to action.

I love a hot shower. I am told that water at 98 or 99 degrees centigrade is pleasant. But at 100 degrees centigrade, water boils and it is very unpleasant to take a scalding shower. Our country needs to move back from scalding to hot and we need to channel the 50% of us that are upset in a positive direction. I pray that happens.

Destructive Anger

Those of us that are diehard Cleveland sports fans and especially Browns fans know firsthand the experience of anger. This year, it is likely that the Browns will end up with one of their worst records since they entered back into the league. There have been many Sundays where I would watch and just get myself worked up and then question why I would waste a Sunday just making myself angry. But the worst was the Monday night game, the "Kick-6" game where the Browns blew the field goal and the Ravens ran it back for a touchdown. I was watching in bed with Deb sound asleep. I jumped off the bed in a fit of anger and muttered a slew of expletives that would make even some of you blush. Deb said it was quite a show.

There are two types of anger that are talked about in the bible. The first is righteous anger which is looking at things from God's perspective. This has to do with seeing the sin in the world or violations of the moral law. That should make us angry. The other type of anger is directed towards frustrating circumstances or with people who are frustrating us. This is not a biblical type of anger. It is an insidious anger that actually harms the harbinger of the anger. It destroys the person from the inside-out.

But yet so many embrace this type of anger. We have a friend who bears a deep-seated resentment towards a deceased member of the family and will not let it go. I heard from my step-father a story of someone who he had not seen in 40 years who told him that he resented him for getting awarded a prize 40 years earlier that he thought he deserved. My step-father had no knowledge of the apparent slight but the other man obviously did for 40 years and it did nothing but harm himself. This type of anger is destructive. James says that the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. On the contrary, we are to quickly make it right and forgive the offending party. James again says - Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. 

Isn't it interesting that the remedy for anger is to be quick to hear and slow to speak. Hearing the other person often defuses the anger. Steven Covey wrote a book as a followup to the 7 Habits called the "8th Habit" which is mostly about finding what he calls the "Third Alternative". In that book, the "talking stick" is a tool to force someone to listen because whoever holds the talking stick knows he will not be interrupted. I have used that from time to time to force conflict resolution in the form of hearing. I am inspired heading into 2016 to be a man of hearing, patience and forgiveness.  It is definitely in my self-interest.

May God bless your family this Christmas and holiday season. See you in 2016.

Righteous vs. Unrighteous Anger

A number of years back I was playing for our church softball team. It was a large church so we actually fielded a very competitive team and played in an industrial league. One game we were being beaten fairly badly and the other team seemed to be yukking it up at our expense. Our coach came in and said in all seriousness that we need to kindle our "righteous anger".

Now, I am not sure I can peg exactly righteous anger vs. unrighteous anger, but I know that was not it. I will give it my best shot however using the lens of Scripture and the Holy Spirit to guide me. Righteous anger looks at things through God's eyes. Well God hates sin but loves the sinner. That is why Jesus could go into the temple (twice) and turn over the tables of the moneychangers who pretended they knew God but could love the woman at the well, or the woman caught in adultery, or rich young ruler, or the cheat Zacchaeus. Not once did he approach these obvious sinners in anger. The difference - they did not know God or really even pretend to know God.

Unrighteous anger is looking at things through the lens of man. All too often we flip the two - we hate the sinner before we hate the sin. No wonder James says that the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God (James 1:20). Truth be told, many of us are not that far off from the hatemongers at Westboro Baptist Church.

I have said many times that I have an anger problem. Many people would not say that that know me but those who know me best can attest to it.  As I was thinking about this blog today while I was riding my bike, a car came up behind me and laid on the horn as I was turning left at a red stop light. No doubt from a legal perspective I had the right to the lane and there was one car at the lane. I should have let it go, but instead I cursed at the man in flowery words that I am quite capable of letting loose. The man yelled right back at me. I doubt seriously that man knew I name the name of Christ in my heart.  That is the anger of man illustrated before my very eyes.

To nip anger in the bud requires me to look at another sinner like me through the God lens. God sees another lost person just like me. He sees another man or woman worthy of His grace just like me. I missed it today and pray I will see it tomorrow.

Quick to Hear, Slow to Speak, Slow to Anger

This you know my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God.  James 1:19-20

I love the book of James - it has to be my favorite book of the Bible because it is so practical and down to earth.  I have committed to memorizing it this year and I am sure from time to time I will comment on it in my blog. James talks to scattered believers all over the globe at the time of its writing but it feels like he is just talking to you and I in our living room. He refers to us constantly in his book as "his beloved brothers".

I talk too much, I listen too little, and I get angry too easily. Isn't it interesting how those three are connected? It starts with listening to others. I have a habit of not listening with empathy. One of Steven Covey's seven habits is "Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood". My brain goes to what I am going to say without listening to what the other is saying. Or I have a nasty habit of filling in what the other is saying. My wife and I call each other out on that all the time. Wise counselors say very little. They have perfected the act of listening. I have a friend who is an incredibly good listener. His listening enables him to ask wise questions. My board of directors of my company are fantastic listeners. So it starts there.

If you are quick to hear, you have to be slow to speak. You wait until it is time to speak. Most of us don't wait until the pause. One time I had co-workers who were constantly interrupting each other. We used another Steven Covey technique called the "talking stick". The talking stick is an object that rests in the hands of another until they are done and then they push it to you to symbolize that they are done. Another technique is asking "framing questions". It simply means repeating back what you think the other person is saying.

Finally, isn't it interesting that anger is associated with listening and speaking. But that makes sense. So much of conflict is rooted in an inability to communicate. Anger is born out of frustrated expectations. I find it really interesting that much of my anger surfaces in two venues where I retain some level of anonymity - e-mail and car. E-mail is uni-directional communication. I can say exactly what is on my mind without any response from you. So many times (even this past week), I sent an e-mail in anger based on a total misconception. Should have called the person when it sent off a nerve and it would have revealed the issue. It is the cowards way out and misdirected anger is cowardly.

Second is driving. I am a recovering tailgater. Just yesterday (as I was leaving church), I tailgated a woman who was driving slower than I would have liked. She got angry at me, let me pass and honked the horn at me. Now if I was in a line at the grocery store and I saw that woman's face, I would have let her go in front of me. But because I was in anonymity, I get frustrated. I literally have to imagine that person in that car as in front of me personally.

Assuming the Best in People

This past week, I had a series of meetings out of town. They were kind of tightly orchestrated by me and I felt like a ping-pong ball bouncing between one meeting and another. The second meeting was at a coffee shop with a potential business partnership for our company. It was with a person I had never met but had just corresponded with via e-mail. I got there and waited, and waited, and waited. I called and left multiple voice mails as well as sent an e-mail. Nothing! I knew his office was right down the road so I knew it couldn't be traffic. I was even more irritated because now I had to drive to the other side of town to make the next appointment.

Amazing what goes through your head. Anger is mostly what went through my head. I was stood up! I wanted so much to fire off an e-mail (a standard non-personal way of venting) and spew venom on him. In a complete act of grace, the Holy Spirit nudged me not to do that. What if something happened to him or his family? Give him the benefit of the doubt. The Lord brought to mind a story I heard from Patrick Morley. A man was traveling in a train and his kids were running around like crazy. One of the passengers observed this and so wanted to confront the man over the unruly behavior of his children. He asked him why his kids had so much energy. The man somberly looked up and said "Yes I guess they are running off steam but their mom passed away today". I took it to heart and so I waited.

The next day, I got the explanation. He was in the emergency room for 11 hours with potentially serious issues. I said "thank you Lord" because He held me back from my proclivity to assume the worst in people. Why do we assume the worst in people? Some people think we have to to protect ourselves because after all it is a dog-eat-dog world out there. If you don't you will get taken advantage of. That could happen, but to me the alternative is far worse. To live a life in constant suspicion has wear and tear on the human psyche. Assuming the best in people will get you let down from time to time, but overall the impact is far more positive.

I am so glad I let that situation explain itself. Even if the man had legitimately blown the meeting off, I am better off for not sounding off in anger. Bitterness of soul keeps us from healthy relationships  with God and our neighbors. Jesus said in the Sermon on the Mount that if you call someone "Raca" which in our vernacular is something like "stupid idiot", you are guilty of the Supreme Court and anyone you says "you fool" is guilty of fiery hell (Matthew 5:22-23). We need supernatural authority and power to prevent us from going off on people and I am so glad God save me in that way this week.

Anger is but a Moment Away

Our dog, Maxwell is the nicest, most social animal on the face of the earth.  He is a big dog and from outside appearances could be viewed as threatening.  But this dog wouldn’t harm a fly.  Even in situations where he is being threatened by another dog, he is very calm, very social.  But Max is 11 years old and twice in the past month or so, I have seen evidence that Max is not quite the same Max.

Over Easter we were over at my in-laws and we had family over.  We had just finished our meal on Good Friday and during the meal Max was relegated to the basement.  This was just cause of the nuisance factor.  But we were done now so we invited Max up not thinking anything of it.  Max was grazing under the table looking for any scraps which we don’t like but it is what dogs do.  The youngest boy of my wife’s cousin was calmly petting the dog.  AND THEN IT HAPPENED!  In a fraction of a moment, the dog turned and bit the little boy.  Never, ever seen it happen.  And this was not just a little attention getter – he broke skin.

Then a few weeks ago, I caught Max in the middle of licking our nice wood floor which drives Deb and I nuts.  He retreats to his cage when caught in something like this but I wouldn’t let him get away in his retreat.  I grabbed him with the intention of showing him his sin of licking our floor.  While I was grabbing him, he yelped and nipped at me.  So twice in one month what had never happened before.  Could Max be turning the page to cranky old doggyness?  Something to keep in mind when we have people over. 

I am reminded that anger is a bitter brew that is just waiting to come out.  For some of us, it is right at the surface.  For others of us it is deep down and when it blows, it really blows.  I tend to fall into the latter category, but I really have a major league temper when it blows.  James 3 talks about how much damage a tongue can wreck.  It can set a forest in fire, it can defile a body.  It is full of poison, it is untamable.  Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount talks about the anger of man being an insidious, internal sin that can just pop out at a moment.  How many of us can just blow up and we wonder where that venomous wrath comes from.  I can remember something just setting me off with my children.  It was not them – it was me.  Usually it was a result of frustration, the frustration of a sinful heart.  Not all anger is sin mind you but most is.  Anger against sin is natural, but that is probably a small fraction of the sin that comes out of us.  Most of our anger comes from our self-centeredness. 

What can tame the tongue?  James 3 goes on to say that there is a gentleness in wisdom that comes from above.  In other words, bitterness and rage is natural, gentleness is supernatural.  We need God to change us from the inside out..  We need the presence of the Holy Spirit molding us, changing us, transforming us into His image.  We need Romans 12:2 transformation. 

Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.