The City of Hope

Christmas brings to mind lots of things.  Family, friends, gifts, saying thank you, rest and relaxation (unless you are like me and do lots of last minute shopping and I only really have to shop for one person).  All of our girls and our son-in-law are visiting and it has been a very enjoyable few days at our house.  It is always nice to have the girls home. 

On Thanksgivings when I was growing up, we would go to Newtown, Connecticut where my Dad's sister lived.  So the tragedy there this past week was brought closer to home.  What would cause a young man to take such innocent lives?  What would give someone so little hope and to inflict his hopelessness on others? 

I have been going through the Old Testament a chapter at a time and just finished up my first year.  This has been an incredible blessing, much more than I thought.  I have been looking for Jesus in the Old Testament and it has not been hard to find Him there.  A number of my friends avoid reading the Old Testament and think Jesus isn't in the Old Testament, but nothing can be further from the truth. 

The last book I am reading this year is the Book of Ruth.  This book starts with hopelessness.  Naomi, the central character in the early chapters comes from Bethlehem during some of the darkest period in Israel's history.  She leaves her country during a period of famine and goes to the pagan country of Moab.  There, her two sons marry two Moabite women.  It is interesting to note that the names of her sons of are "sick" and "puny" which describes their likely physical condition.  Her husband and two sons die in the land of Moab.  She decides to return to Bethlehem.  But her return is fraught with doubt and in fact, she encourages her widow children to stay in Moab because she believes the pagan Gentile country offers more hope for them than Israel does.  Her daughter Orpah stays in Moab, but Ruth accompanies Naomi back to Bethlehem.  Naomi which means "pleasant" is so embittered that she says on her return to change her name to "bitter" or "empty". 

If you know the story of Ruth, you know that there is a relative, a "kinsman-redeemer" named Boaz who lives in Bethlehem and marries the widow Ruth.  Boaz is what is called a "type" of Christ.  He is a shadow of another redeemer born in Bethlehem who will redeem us from sin by paying the penalty Himself upon the cross.  Bethlehem is not the city of hopelessness but the city of hope.  Further, this hope is extended to Ruth, the pagan Gentile to marry into an Israelite line that ultimately becomes part of the lineage of Jesus Christ.  Bethlehem is not just the story of a baby born in a manger, but a story of hope for those of lost and looking for redemption, even when hope seems at its bleakest. 

The Book of Ruth is a glimmer of hope and comes during one of the darkest times in Israel's history.  Judges closes with the horrendous story of a decapitated rape victim and civil war and Ruth provides the glimmer of grace and hope.  Even on the heels of one of the worst horror's we have ever seen, come to Bethlehem, the city of hope and find redemption, and grace.

Cleveland Schools - Essential Leadership

This past week, Eric Gordon, CEO of Cleveland Metropolitan School District announced the Cleveland Plan, a sweeping plan to take forward Cleveland schools.  I spent a whole day Thursday with Eric and looking at some of Cleveland's shining schools as part of Leadership Clevealnd.  What is amazing about the Cleveland Plan is that it was a team effort between Frank Jackson, Mayor of Cleveland, Eric Gordon, the teachers union let by Tracey Radich, and private charter schools.  They checked their egos at the door and put aside their biases to move Cleveland schools ahead. 

Mayor Frank Jackson is not an impressive guy individually.  You hear him speak and he doesn't strike you as someone who is super-intelligent.  But hearing a lot behind the scenes, you realize what kind of leader he is.  Eric relayed a story of how Mayor Jackson was meeting with the head of charter schools in Columbus.  Cleveland has over 90 charter schools, one of the largest areas for charter schools.  Many of these charter schools work and many do not work.  Jackson and Gordon sought to work with the charter schools.  In this meeting in Columbus, Mayor Jackson got a cold shoulder with little cooperation.  At 7:30 AM after just arriving in Columbus, it became apparent that he was not welcome at this meeting.  Mayor Jackson as relayed by Eric Gordon said emphatically "I have all day - I'm not leaving".  I have heard Mayor Jackson say that he has no other career aspirations - his final and last job is Mayor of Cleveland and Cleveland schools is his high priority. 

Cleveland schools superintendents and the Mayor of Cleveland haven't always seen eye to eye, but Eric and Mayor Jackson were partners in the effort to improve Cleveland schools from day one.  They partnered together to get Issue 107 passed and they partnered together to promote the Cleveland Plan.  As a lifelong resident of Northeast Ohio, it is so gratifying to hear about how this leadership is moving our schools forward.  I truly believe that as the schools goes, so goes the city.  We have our problems, but we are tackling them head on.  Do you think we can transfer some of this cooperative leadership to Washington?

Thursday was Leadership Cleveland's Education Day and we toured Cleveland Central Catholic, John Hay and its innovative small schools, and E-Prep, a state and private funded prep school.  We saw highly engaged students and successful institutions.  We saw hope - hope that is critical to our city.  I am very thankful for my LC classmate Eric Gordon and what he is doing in Cleveland schools.

22 Seconds to Save a Life

22...,21...,20....,19...,18..., if you count off seconds that is a lot of time.  How long does it take you to take 49 flash pictures.  Some witnesses said the man was struggling on the track for nearly a minute.

What I am referring to is a man who was pushed onto the subway track by a deranged man and was struck by an oncoming subway train.  A freelance photographer for the New York Post captured a picture of the man right before he was about to be hit by the train and according to his own reports took 49 flash pictures.  Others according to witnesses were even closer to the man and did nothing to help him.  Yet some apparently had time to get their cell phones out to take pictures.  Here is an interview with the reporter. The New York Post not only purchased the photo (oh, sorry the photographer says they licensed the photo), but had to add the sensational headline "DOOMED".  I am not going to reproduce it here because it is just wrong.

Does this sicken you?  It does me.  What would you do?  Would you have at least tried to pull the man up?  Would you have yelled to others to help?  In some ways, it is easy to point fingers at others, but what would you do?  Are you worried that we have become so callous that we wouldn't help someone in this situation. 

The Lottery - a Good Thing?

I admit I have never played the lottery.  I consider it state-sponsored gambling.  It has a many negative connotations, most of which you would never hear on the local news.

1. It takes money from the hands of mostly working class people that very rarely can afford to blow money on gambling.  
2. It has a subliminal effect of promoting the miracle windfall.  Wouldn't we be better off promoting those that have worked hard and achieved success the correct way?  Our culture has become way too much of "get rich quick" mentality.
3. Then, you have those very few that actually win.  There are reports that 7 out of 10 lottery winners actually blow all of it.  But there are certainly cases of many of those that have blown it all.  Check this article out on 10 reasons why winning the lottery is not a good thing.
4. Finally, there is the totally false sales message that the lottery helps education.  I doubt people are actually playing the lottery with the notion of helping education.  And very little of the money coming from the lottery actually helps education.

I am gravely concerned about our country - where it is going, what it is doing?  We have lost our work ethic, our drive.  We are expecting the sky to drop blessings on us.  The lottery promotes this notion. How about we take half of the time we spend talking about the lottery and talk about hard-earned success?  Gambling does not expand the pie of gross domestic product.  It simply redistributes and wastes it. 
 

Is Jesus a Democrat or a Republican?

Ok, so the election is over, thankfully.  Now we can get back to the business of how the country is doing.  Some of us were happy with the outcome and some of us weren't.  Some of us are bitter and remain bitter.  There are two truths to remain encouraged about.  One, we still live in the greatest country on this earth.  We actually can vote without fear.  Secondly, God is still sovereign.  I still worry about our country in many ways, but I completely trust in a sovereign God who is not unaware of anything.

Too many Christians make strong direct association of their faith to politics, including me.  This has done great harm to the perception of Christianity.  If we spent as much time evangelizing, serving the poor, building up people, and investing in the Kingdom, there would be a much far different perception of who Christians are.  There is nothing wrong with expressing our opinion of who we favor as President and why - I have certainly done that.  But it should be separated from who we are as believers.  I made the mistake of expressing my opinion in our workplace and denigrating the other candidate.  My co-worker calmly stated she supported the other candidate.  I was embarrassed and I apologized to my friend and co-worker.  Debbie has strong friendships with those that strongly support the other party sometimes vocally.  But she has chosen to put her politics aside because she values those people as friends. 

I spent a little time with Ambassador Tony Hall in my work with Opportunity International.  I remember giving Tony a ride and quizzing him on how he lives his faith in his politics.  He would say that Jesus could identify with Democrats because they are champions of the poor and He could identify with Republicans because they are masters of work ethic.  I asked about abortion and Tony was a proponent of life and he said that he wanted to be a vocal minority and work with his colleagues to understand this sensitive issue.  He would also say how he worked across the aisle with the other party because of his deep respect and love for people.  Tony obviously loved Jesus and obviously loved people.  Which leads me to whether Jesus would be about political parties or about people? 

Being an Infectious Person

Every since I saw the movie Contagion I have been much more aware of catching germs.  That movie is nasty. It is not for the faint of heart and probably not one that you want to see again.

I have been thinking about how we as people need to be infectious but in a positive way.  I am really blessed because I work with a group of people and have another group of people that I have as friends that are infectious.  They are positive, upbeat, sure of themselves, funny, and caring.  Their infection is themselves.  How often I tend to be the one who is the downer.  I gripe, I complain, I sometimes gossip.  I forget to thank people.

Some examples - recently one of my co-workers gave me a card and a gift.  Not anything I did but just the way she is.  She was trying to thank me for being a good leader.  I was cleaning out the basement as we prepare to move (hopefully soon) and came across a stack of cards.  When I used to travel a lot, my wife always put a card in my suitcase to know that I was missed.  On the negative side, I recently had an interaction with a Christian university and my experience was anything but positive.  Their big preoccupation was that my position on certain scriptural issues was consistent with theirs.  Now I have no problem being held to a standard on scripture but this occurred for a half hour and I felt like I was getting grilled.  It did not feel like they cared about me at all as a person.

The Bible says that the Christian is to be a "sweet aroma of the knowledge of Christ" (1 Cor. 2:14) wherever they are.  In other words when people see me, they are to see Jesus.  Man, what a tall order and one I so often fall short of.  My friends who are infectious manifest that.  I think to be infectious we have to train ourselves.  We have to constantly remind ourselves of the goodness of God and His indescribable gift of salvation.  We have to remind ourselves of the power of friends and relationships.  No matter how challenging the day in and day out grind is, there is so much to be thankful for.   

I Don’t Have a Cue

One could not watch the VP debate this past week without drawing some conclusions of the power of non-verbal cues.  From the perspective of the Democrat, Joe Biden took Paul Ryan out to the woodshed.  From the perspective of the Republican, he was condescending and completely unprofessional.  Because this is not a political blog, I will leave it up to you as to which one I am. 

I am reminded however how important non-verbal communication is.  I am constantly aware of these cues when I teach my classes.  I have to be aware of cues when I am communicating in our business.  Can I show attentiveness by my body language as I listen to another person talk or do I show listlessness, boredom, or impatience?  Do I show genuine interest in what the other person is saying by my body language?  There are good ways to smile and bad ways to smile – I don’t think anyone can interpret Biden’s smile for example as expressing approval as what Ryan was saying.  But smiling can be a positive non-verbal cue.  Eye contact is another – I can always tell which students are engaged in my class by their eye-contact.

For weeks now, Max our dog has been showing non-verbal (last I checked, dogs can’t speak) behavior that has demonstrated to us that something was clearly not right.  He was hesitant to go into his house, he was constantly itching and generally not right.  Now he has had other health issues so we thought it was just and extension of that, but we finally decided to take him to the vet.  He had an infestation of fleas!!  Poor guy – once we addressed the issue, he slept like he hadn’t slept for weeks. 

THANK YOU FOR PAYING ATTENTION TO ME MASTER!

I find attentive, interested listening is hard.  I so want to dominate the conversation.  But good attentive listening is the trait of our Savior Jesus.  You cannot read into the gospels without seeing him in attentive conversation.  And this is someone who “knew what was in man’s heart”.  Listening is no just keeping quiet, but showing it in my non-verbal cues. 

Too Busy–Give Time Away

I am really overwhelmed at this point.  I run effectively two businesses now, teach two classes, am on this years class of Leadership Cleveland, am part of a small group men’s bible study, am part of the advisory group of Christian Business Owners Fellowship, and mentor couples about to be married with my wife.  It just seems like I don’t have time to breathe.  Wah, Wah!

A few weeks back a friend from the small group men’s study asked for help in his new home.  Usual guy stuff – move furniture around, paint walls, etc.  To compound things, this guy lives a good half-hour away.  I couldn’t just drop by.  I said no, I just couldn’t.  He fortunately got help from our group as other guys stepped up.  He then asked for help again several weeks later and I said no I couldn’t then either.  Again, other guys stepped up.  Finally, we were doing a group project at a local ministry and again I said I couldn’t. 

You know if we have so little margin for other people we are probably overcommitted and I probably am.  I am going to have to make some changes to give margin.  The other thing is that I need to view service from a different perspective.  Of all things Harvard Business Review had the following podcast which I have uploaded to Soundcloud and is embedded below.  The premise if you can’t listen to it is that studies have shown that if you help people, by some miracle you have more time or seemingly more time.  How could that be?

315 Pressed for Time Give Some of Yours Away by DQuigg

Don’t each of us have 24 hours in a day?  I don’t get any more because I am special.  Yet, if we give away some of our time, we have more to get.  That is what this secular author is saying.  Yet it makes all the biblical sense in the world.  It is all about serving and helping people and somehow when that happens you have more time to spend.  God has wired us this way and when we get buried in our own agenda, we are missing out on what he wants best for us. 

I have to be reminded that I need to make time to be with and serve others.  If that happens, I believe the refreshment that comes from that will make me a better, more well rounded person.  Maybe even my work will get done regardless. 

Political Correctness - Those Were the Days

Sometimes I am just overwhelmed by the amount of political correctness that occurs today.  In the world of Twitter, Facebook, etc., the amount of conversation has increased dramatically, but so has the hyper-sensitivity.  As every word is recorded, so is it scrutinized.  It really makes people overly sanitize their statements making doubly and triply sure they have not offended anyone.

Consider GOP Senate candidate Todd Akin’s recent comments on rape.  Stupid, yes.  Misinformed, yes.  But no one truly believes that Akin believes rape is ok.  His comments were taken out of context and “gotcha politics” were quick to capitalize on his dumb statement.  I make dumb statements all the time and certainly knowing that they might be taken out of context makes me think twice.  However, is this kind of sanitization of speech what we want?  When it comes to potentially offending someone, we are hyper-sensitive. 

Do you remember this guy?

What happens when you have two outspoken racists at a party?  You get quite a show.  We cringed watching Archie Bunker, but for whatever it was worth, you got at least the words out.  It exposed him for what he was.  I think that is probably better in the long run than our PC culture sometimes today.  Do you yearn for the Harry Truman “tell it like it is” kind of guy.  I know I sometimes do.

A Game That Tests Failure

Just completed another season playing baseball.  It is still a kick playing the game that I have loved since my youth.  I got started playing baseball as an adult when Debsue sent me to Indians Fantasy Camp for my 40th birthday.  I had been playing in some pretty competitive softball leagues in the NE Ohio area.  But once I stepped foot on the hardball diamond and started playing that game again, I was hooked.  That was twelve years ago.

I play with the Kent Mudhens in the Roy Hobbs 47 and over league.  I have kind of made my way along starting in the 38 and over and then retiring from that an moving up an age group.  I also play in a 38 and over Cleveland baseball league as a part-time player for the Bay Bisons.  We play from early May through August.  We also play in late October, early November in Florida for a week. 

Baseball is a tough sport.  Kind of like golf, it tests your ability to accept failure.  By way of illustration, about three weeks ago, I had a great game on a Sunday afternoon where I hit three doubles in a game in addition to a single and a walk.  The sound of a solid hit just kind of sticks with you and I had three solid doubles in that game.  My daydreams rehearsed those hits over and over again.  Unit Tuesday that is when I played for the Bisons on Tuesday night.  They hit me cleanup and I promptly went 0 for 5 with two double plays and striking out with the bases loaded.  As if that wasn’t enough, I lost a fly ball in the lights in left field.  A truly humbling experience.

Fast forward a week to that team when we played a much better team in the playoffs.  We were tied 2-2 going into the top of the eighth (we were visitors).  We got men on 2nd and 3rd with two out and our number three hitter up (I hit cleanup again – I guess they didn’t learn enough from the previous game).  They intentionally walk our guy to face me with the bases loaded.  The drama is further enhanced because the opposing pitcher and I played as teammates for eight years.  He gets to one ball and two strikes and my instincts are just to put the ball in play, but he grooves one and I line it into the gap driving in all three runners and then I score also as the ball gets by the catcher.  So now we are up 6-2 going into the ninth.  Unfortunately, we could not hold the lead and lost 7-6.  My teammates called me the “would-be hero”. 

The following Sunday, our Mudhens team got absolutely clobbered 23-2 by a fairly mediocre team.  I had never seen us so poor.  We normally are a good team.  I crowned my performance with a 1 for 5 hitting.  My last at-bat was an embarrassing strikeout captured by my wife below.  You can hear my little groan as I miss the last pitch.

Dan strikeout from Dan Quigg on Vimeo.

I have a hard time accepting failure.  In baseball, I would fling my bat, utter a profanity here and there.  Most times my teammates didn’t hear my response, but they certainly could see my reaction.  Baseball like life tests the crucible of our inner fabric.  We all fail, but it is how we learn and respond that tests who we really are.  After a major business failure a few years back, I find I am a better person.  I am much more aware of who I am.  I also find that failure means that we take success much more in stride.  I am not in any way saying that we shouldn’t strive for success.  However, failure is really what makes us what we are. 

I found that my failure makes me more pliable, more useful to God, and more sympathetic to others.  God doesn’t shield Christ followers from failure.  He uses failure to make us better people.  Even the great hitters experience some failure.  Winners of batting titles fail 2 out of 3 times.  The game makes us good at striving for success but able to use failure to make us better.

Forty Years of Friendship

My in-laws posted this picture at their annual lobster fest.  They host this annual feast at their cottage in Northwest Indiana.  They have been friends with this group for forty years.  Through thick and thin.  Hard to get my head around that long a time.  In our transient culture, developing longstanding deep relationships is tough.  We are now in the sound bite generation.  Yet “social media” has reopened a number of relationships.  I have reconnected with my former Valparaiso fraternity big brother after many years through Facebook.  I have also reconnected with old family friends from our growing up years.

Relationships mean a lot to God.  God has wired us for this type of deep, personal relationships.  We have a group that we get together with for fellowship and bible study that we have known for nearly twenty years.  We know there is no burden that we can’t share.  The ladies get together for breakfast once a month and share each other burdens.  We know we don’t have to impress them.  They accept us as we are. 

Then there is my CLC group which has been meeting faithfully every week (14 of us men) for over a year and a half.  I love those guys.  We have ages ranging from mid 20’s to early 80’s.  When I was in my twenties and thirties, relationships really didn’t matter much to me (except immediate family relationships).  But friendships really matter to me now that I am in my mid fifties.  My kids are out of the house and while I have a great marital relationship, the extension of good friends is so important. 

Each of us has to have those kinds of friendships.  Friends that you can be truly transparent with.  Friends to bear burdens with.  We can’t be all that God intended for us to be without friends like that.

The Way of Wisdom

Our pastor Joe is teaching a series on wisdom.  This is the second of the series.  Like many of Pastor Joe’s sermons, it is incredibly insightful.  This morning’s title was the Way of Wisdom.  The four points were:

1) Know God – find a way daily to remind yourself of how great God is and how much He has done for you.  Every morning we wake up hungry looking for value.  If we don’t seek God as the source of that value, we will look for it elsewhere.  If you don’t seek that value, you will do foolish things in your own wisdom.

2) Know Yourself – Proverbs 3:5 says to “trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding”..  Every day you need to deflate yourself and not think too much of yourself.  I can never think too much of myself when the God of the universe had to sacrifice His son to save me.  Yet God thought so much of me that He did just that.  Pastor Joe made reference to this clip from Toy Story which is perfect for this point.

3) Know God’s Word – God provides the handbook, the “database of best practices” that we can use to discover Him and wisdom.

4) Trust God’s Way – Dive into God’s love knowing that He desires the absolute best for you.  Recognize that pain will be an implicit part of the process.  Pain is never thought by our children as positive but they are able to look back and see the benefit it brings.  Pain is part of the process of learning wisdom.

It’s Not Somebody Else’s Fault

In the wake of the massacre of Aurora, Colorado, people have had a chance to reflect on one of the biggest mass shootings in history.  There are stories of heroism.  Three men gave their lives while protecting their girlfriends. 
Twenty-five-year-old Jon Blunk was sitting next to his girlfriend, Jansen Young, at the midnight premiere of "The Dark Knight Rises" when the gunman opened fire in the dark theater. Blunk instinctively pushed his girlfriend to the ground and threw his body on top of hers. Blunk, a security guard, served five years in the Navy and was in the process of re-enlisting in hopes of becoming a Navy SEAL, family and friends said. He was killed in the gunfire; his girlfriend survived.  Twenty-four-year-old Alex Teves dived on top of his girlfriend, Amanda Lindgren, when the gunfire erupted. Covering her body, he took the bullets so they did not harm her. She survived the massacre; he did not.  Matt McQuinn, 27 years old, threw his body in front of his girlfriend, Samantha Yowler, as the shooting continued. Yowler survived with a gunshot wound to the knee; McQuinn's body absorbed the fatal shots. Or this 13 year old girl who tried to save the 6 year old girl she babysat for.

The thing that is bothersome to us though is the people who look to lay blame for this.  For example, the lawyer who filed an immediate lawsuit on behalf, not of one of the victims or even one of those hurt.  He blames the theater, the doctors, and Warner Bros for the shooting.  Give me a break!  I searched the web and found a preponderance of ads looking to “help” victims of the shooting.  Where there is senseless evil, there always seems to be somebody looking to profit from it.  Tragedies like this bring out the best and the worst of us.  James Holmes was troubled individual who acted ALONE!  There is a cost to the lawyers who want to “help”.

It seems that we want to always look for blame to others when we sin.  The point is that we all sin and no amount of blame can make up for that fact.  No amount of security, no amount of preventative medicine, no amount of litigation.  Our litigious society has now added a cost to the blame game that continues to cripple our country.  Do we really think that these lawyers do this out of the goodness of their heart.  I am not sure which is worse, James Holmes or the lawyers that seek to profit.  A deranged man is just that, a deranged man.  How can we protect a culture from a deranged man?  From most accounts, he acted fairly rationally and gave little clues this was going to happen.  It simmered seemingly just below the surface.  

To some level, we all are just as potentially dangerous as James Holmes.  It does not take much to act like him.  We live in a fallen, depraved world where Satan would love to have an army of James Holmes.  And it would not take much for each of us to act in similar ways.  It is not a big gap between the anger we feel and express and the anger that caused a man to shoot up a movie theatre.  That is what Jesus was saying when he says that those who insult our brother are as guilty as a murderer.

On the contrary, there are the heroes, the rays of hope who stand as evidence that there is also good that can come out of even the worst of situations.  These heroes are symbols of the ultimate sacrifice Jesus paid as he entered our fallen world. 

God is Good No Matter What

It is very easy to look at things from a human lens.  I guess that is because we are human.  Several weeks ago while we were in church, we received a distress call from our daughter who was on her way home and had a major accident on the highway near Chicago.  I won’t repeat the story – you can find it on Debbie’s blog here.  The bottom line is that our daughter by all rights based on what happened should have been killed or severely injured, but she wasn’t.  She walked away from an accident that any other time of the day or week would have been far worse.  She did not hit any other car or hurt any other person.  The car spun 360 degrees on the highway and struck the median as shown below. 

It was an act of grace.  Bethany was not hurt.  We might even say she was spared.  But we have godly friends who lost a son due to a freak accident.  Are we any more spiritual than they are?  Hardly so.  For some reason, God did not take Bethany home that night.  It was grace.  Our friends had to take years of heartache and dig deep down into their relationship with Christ to even persevere.  Their son’s faith encouraged many to come to faith likewise and the parents have also been used of God to tell their story.

I am reminded of two simple truths.  First, we live in a fallen world and as a result, Christians endure pain and suffering as much as non Christians.  In fact, Christians endure more pain because they name the name of Christ.  Secondly,  God gives grace.  He gives grace to each of us to enter into a relationship with Him through Jesus Christ.  That relationship overshadows the trouble of this life.  When God takes a Christian out of this life, there is reason to celebrate because they are home.  He also provides the grace in this life to persevere in the loss of loved ones.  Paul says whether we live or die, we are the Lords.

We can love a God who is so infinite and loving despite the circumstances of this life.  My God is not a genie in a bottle.  He is a loving Father that I can trust fully no matter what. 

Words of Affirmation

Women really don’t understand the power they have over men.  You would have thought we would have learned from people like Samson, but we didn’t.  We men have to know that the women in our lives support us and affirm us. 

Example #1 – James Braddock’s wife does not want him to fight and had he gone into the ring, his brain would have been pummeled to mush.  But she goes into the locker room and he comes out of there a new man.

Then there is this Rocky classic.  He is about to go into the ring with Apollo Creed with a gut on him my size.  But all it takes is Adrian telling him “WIN”, then the usual montage of Rocky willing himself into the best shape of his career.

Ok, so that is the movies and this is real life.  Yes, it is but it happens outside of Hollywood too.  My wife and I have this thing where when I am on my way home, I let her know via text message and these are the types of response she gives me (used with permission).

Dan – Leaving now, home in 30
Deb – My heart swelleth in loove for you.
Dan – Home in 30
Deb – The sun shines brighter just knowing that.
Dan – Home in 30
Deb – Rejoicing in holy matrimony!
Dan – Home in 30
Deb – Oh how sweet that sounds.
Dan – Home in 25 (was on my way then)
Deb – Oh shivers of marital joy
Dan – Home shortly
Deb – My day is now completely full of joy

Now I know that sounds completely hokey, but it doesn’t matter what has happened that day.  These words affirm me, they build me up.  I know it’s coming and I know it’s corny but I love it.  When we mentor young couples, we remind them how much they need to know the love language of the other.  My wife knows for me it is words of affirmation.  She builds me up.  It may not have the Hollywood flair, but it works.

Remembering Rwanda

In 2005, I visited Rwanda as part of a team from World Vision.  The little video montage I put together captured the essence of the trip.  It was a life changing trip for me.  Rwanda is a small country the size of Maryland with about 9 million residents.  Rwanda went through a horrendous genocide in 1994 when between 700,000 and 1 million Rwandans were systematically slaughtered mostly in a one month killing season.  So imagine about 10% of the country being killed.  Neighbor slaughtered neighbor, friends slaughtered friends, and even family member slaughtered family member.  The distinction over who lived and who died was whether they were Tutsi, a somewhat arbitrary ethnic determination originally started by the Belgians when they were in charge of the country. 

I have read most every book on Rwanda I can find.  The common theme is that those that took life depersonalized their neighbor, their friend, their family member.  The interviews revealed the lie that the taking of life was part of a mission almost a job.  The killers would go out systematically and slaughter and then come back for a little party at the end of the day.  They did not see a person, they saw a task.  Those that survived commented that they could see a lifeless person in their attacker.  Also interestingly, the church was no refuge.  In several instances, people were urged to go to a church as a safe haven only to have priests turn on them and be slaughtered.

Can this thing happen today?  Absolutely!  Rwanda was essentially a “Christian country”.  Do we realize it is the presence of the Holy Spirit today that keeps us from this happening anywhere today?  The Holy Spirit is what moves and causes us to see people as they are in God’s image.  If the Holy Spirit were not here as will happen in the end times, that people will have no restraint.  Satan will have a field day as there will be no restraining element at all.  Do we realize that we are so utterly depraved that rampant killing could easily occur any time at any place?  People left to their own devices are incredibly evil. 

Thankfully that is not the end of the story.  Rwanda has experienced rebirth.  It started with the supernatural power of forgiveness.  People had to have a special dose of the Holy Spirit to forgive their attackers.  And they did.  The Holy Spirit gives incredible power to forgive and rebuild relationships.   We visited Rwanda again in 2009 and again saw the power of forgiveness.  Rwanda could be have completely disintegrated, but it did not.  It is an example of renewal by the Holy Spirit.

What Makes a Marriage Work?

This past week, Deb and I celebrated our 27th wedding anniversary.  Seems like just yesterday we were married.  This is what we looked like then.

Ahh, so happy, so in love!  Except that is not the truth.  Our first ten years or so of marriage were brutal.  We are pre-marital mentors at our church Christ Community Chapel and the first thing we tell our candidate couples is that the euphoria of marriage wears off very quickly.  I remember on our honeymoon thinking I married the wrong person.  

A turning point occurred around year 10 when we both attended a conference entitled “Management and Marriage” sponsored by Fellowship of Companies for Christ and it caused both of us to look inwardly and instead of trying to change the other person, we asked God to change us.  And God indeed changed us.  And in the process of changing us, He fitted us together more and more as a couple.  The process caused us to appreciate more and more what each other had as strengths rather than perceived weaknesses.  When we honor God’s covenant of marriage and commit to holy living, He changes us.  So a successful marriage is supernatural.  That is what we tell our couples.

So what makes a marriage work?  Here are some tips from the Dan and Debbie school of hard knocks.

1. A commitment to the covenant of marriage.  You pledged “till death do us part” in front of witnesses and God.
2. Pray that you will be conformed to who God wants you to be for your spouse and don’t try to change your spouse.
3. Don’t expect your spouse to change, but don’t be surprised if they do (see #2).
4. Communicate even when it hurts. 
5. Don’t use rule #4 as an excuse to hurt your spouse – see rule #6.
6. Pick your battles – Lord knows my wife has.
7. Be upfront on practical issues, especially money.
8. Never put your spouse down in front of others including your children.  Watch “prayer requests” about your spouse with others.
9. Praise your spouse often, especially in front of others.  Works great with guys especially coming from their wife.
10. Do stuff together – Deb has acquired a taste for baseball as an example and I just enjoy going on trips with her.
11. Eat meals together – we ate many meals together as a family and it was foundational. 
12. Laugh a lot – we do.  Someone has said a marriage makes life twice as much fun and lessens half the stress.  No doubt about it.
13. Be committed to God’s word in your family. 
14. Be committed to personal holiness.  The difference in my life especially in the past few years is that commitment. 
15. Place your spouse above all else behind your Lord and Saviour.

My wife is more lovely to me by far today than when we got married.  She is my best friend on this earth.  God has woven us together over the past 27 years and I am blessed for it.  Here is what we look like now. 

This picture is taken on one of our many adventures to the Taj Mahal (we never actually went in but that is another story).  While the body sags and hair turns gray, the marriage journey becomes even more special and even more rewarding.  There is a reason it is the picture that Christ uses with his church.  I pray that you will find the same joy in your marriage.  God can heal any marriage just as He did ours.

Mom's Day 2012

Today is Mother's Day. I am reminded that I am blessed to have three great mothers and each in their own way is special to me. My birth mom currently lives in Peru. My relationship with my mom has sometimes been rocky as many men have with their moms. But my mom has been very supportive of me, especially as I have gotten older. She is a very gregarious individual who loves to be with people. She has been a very successful businesswoman. In her retirement years, she is very comfortable living in a foreign country, playing bridge with ambassador's wives, and learnign a new culture. With my mom, you know exactly what you get - she is very forthright individual which I have grown to appreciate. She is no nonsense and she let's you know where she is coming from even if you don't agree with it.

My mother-in-law lives in Wheaton, IL and i have known her for 28 years. She has a real gift of hospitality and service. There are so many times I remember people in her home and she always made her home a warm, inviting place. She welcomed me into their home as a new believer in Christ and encouraged me in my young faith. I know people who have a poor relationship with their in-laws, but I love my in-laws and am so thankful for them. They have been very encouraging of our marriage also and what marriage needs to have stress.

Finally, there is my stepmother Linda who lives with my Dad in Tucson, AZ. My Dad and Linda have been married somewhere around 21 years and she treats us just like the family. I love her low key, and dry sense of humor. You have to be a special woman to put up with my Dad.

It has been great to see my kids all call their mother today. That I think is the most rewarding part is see my wife receive the recognition from her kids that she deserves because she is a great mom. She is not my mom, but my partner in raising three great kids so I have had a front row seat on how she has interacted with our kids. There have been times where she has had to take the lion's share of the parenting because I have been working too much, traveling, or just plain neglectful. But she has done so with a wonderful, supportive heart.

So Happy Mothers Day!

Anger is but a Moment Away

Our dog, Maxwell is the nicest, most social animal on the face of the earth.  He is a big dog and from outside appearances could be viewed as threatening.  But this dog wouldn’t harm a fly.  Even in situations where he is being threatened by another dog, he is very calm, very social.  But Max is 11 years old and twice in the past month or so, I have seen evidence that Max is not quite the same Max.

Over Easter we were over at my in-laws and we had family over.  We had just finished our meal on Good Friday and during the meal Max was relegated to the basement.  This was just cause of the nuisance factor.  But we were done now so we invited Max up not thinking anything of it.  Max was grazing under the table looking for any scraps which we don’t like but it is what dogs do.  The youngest boy of my wife’s cousin was calmly petting the dog.  AND THEN IT HAPPENED!  In a fraction of a moment, the dog turned and bit the little boy.  Never, ever seen it happen.  And this was not just a little attention getter – he broke skin.

Then a few weeks ago, I caught Max in the middle of licking our nice wood floor which drives Deb and I nuts.  He retreats to his cage when caught in something like this but I wouldn’t let him get away in his retreat.  I grabbed him with the intention of showing him his sin of licking our floor.  While I was grabbing him, he yelped and nipped at me.  So twice in one month what had never happened before.  Could Max be turning the page to cranky old doggyness?  Something to keep in mind when we have people over. 

I am reminded that anger is a bitter brew that is just waiting to come out.  For some of us, it is right at the surface.  For others of us it is deep down and when it blows, it really blows.  I tend to fall into the latter category, but I really have a major league temper when it blows.  James 3 talks about how much damage a tongue can wreck.  It can set a forest in fire, it can defile a body.  It is full of poison, it is untamable.  Jesus in the Sermon on the Mount talks about the anger of man being an insidious, internal sin that can just pop out at a moment.  How many of us can just blow up and we wonder where that venomous wrath comes from.  I can remember something just setting me off with my children.  It was not them – it was me.  Usually it was a result of frustration, the frustration of a sinful heart.  Not all anger is sin mind you but most is.  Anger against sin is natural, but that is probably a small fraction of the sin that comes out of us.  Most of our anger comes from our self-centeredness. 

What can tame the tongue?  James 3 goes on to say that there is a gentleness in wisdom that comes from above.  In other words, bitterness and rage is natural, gentleness is supernatural.  We need God to change us from the inside out..  We need the presence of the Holy Spirit molding us, changing us, transforming us into His image.  We need Romans 12:2 transformation. 

Do not be conformed to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Imagine a Life Without Touch

I am not one of these guys that is especially huggy.  I know a few of those guys who are the huggy kind – they hug everybody and anybody.  That seems especially true of the NFL commissioner Roger Goodell.  Did you notice that he hugged every single draft pick (at least as long as I watched)?  I heard Greg Brinda on WKNR comment that he set a record hug of nearly 11 seconds.  Is that wrong for a guy?  Was he whispering sweet nothings into the guys ear? 

One thing that causes people to not hug or touch is the fear of infectious diseases.  I made the mistake of watching the movie Contagion.  Talk about a freaky kind of a movie.  Made you definitely think twice about making any physical contact with anybody.  Here is the trailer.

Contagion Trailer

Despite the movie, I can’t imagine life without some form of physical contact.  God did not wire us that way.  We were wired for relationship and relationship involves touch.  In looking in my bible concordance I was struck by the various uses of hands:

• Laying on of hands is a symbol of identification
• Touch not the unclean thing as a warning to stay away from that which corrupts
• Cleansing our hands as a symbol of purity
• Lifting of of holy hands in worship
• Touching Jesus to be healed
• Jesus healing with a touch

My favorite illustration of touch is in the story of the prodigal son.  On the son’s return, the father sees his son from a distance and runs to him and embraces him (Luke 15:20).  That word conveys the idea of gripping strongly without letting go.  It is sometimes used to mean “fall upon” with difficulty to separate.  We have all felt a warm embrace that is not surface level.  My friend Vince embraces like that – it conveys an unmistakable love.  It is the same word used of the Ephesian elders in Acts 20:37 who embraced Paul when they thought they would never see him again. 

The absence of touch would much more affect us than the presence of some sickness.  We as human beings must have that physical touch.  We hear sad stories of Romanian orphans who are so numerous that they never feel the presence of physical touch and are literally starving for it.  We are wired for it.  It is part of our human expression. 

The Approachable God

As I think about the impact of Easter, it is all about the God of the universe becoming more vulnerable. The God of the universe displaying His heart. How was God able to perfectly come to man in love.

I try to read through the Bible systematically each year and it sometimes is a struggle to get through some of the tedious passages such as in Leviticus and Numbers. God puts them in there for lots of reasons, but nowhere more than to demonstrate the contrast of the unapproachable God against the approachable God. The Israelite could not take the name of God upon his lips. We have trouble visualizing what that means because we approach God so flippantly. The tabernacle was not that way. Just consider just the ark of the covenant.

The ark was made of wood representing man. It is surrounded by gold representing kingship and deity. Gold and wood are together, but never mixed. In between is the mercy-seat. Christ is the perfect intermediary. It cannot be a mercy seat without the priest shedding blood over it. That is what makes it a mercy seat. Everything revolves around the mercy seat, which is made of infallible pure gold. The perfect Christ has blood shed over it so that we can approach God on the basis of the mercy seat. There are two cherubim that cannot look up, but must look towards the mercy seat.

There are objects contained inside the mercy seat. Don't miss this symbolism. If the mercy seat truly is everything, then the objects have to be contained inside it. In the ark is the manna which demonstrates the sustenance of life. Christ is the bread of life. Also in the ark is Aaron's rod that budded. This speaks of resurrection. Before God's involvement, it was a dead stick. Only by God's direct involvement did it bud. You were a dead stick but when you came to mercy by Christ's resurrection, you were budded. You could not bud on your own - you had to have God's direct intermediation to be budded. We are raised with Christ on the basis of His mercy and God's direct involvement. Finally there was the book of the law, the commandments which are inside. The commandments can only be a basis of mercy if they are covered by mercy. If the commandments were outside the ark, you would not be judged on the basis of mercy.

I pray you will see that you can only come to God through the mercy seat. In this Easter season, take the path to mercy.

DebSue is 52

Yes, hard to believe but my wonderful wife turned 52 years old this past week.  Since we have been married nearly 27 years, she has been married to me more than half of her (and mine) life.  Poor girl!  She has aged quite gracefully and writes her own blog, which is very well followed.  You can find it here.  She also writes a daily haiku called "Elixir of Life" which is a daily quip about coffee.  She can follow her on Twitter.  Deb is a professional photographer and quite a good one if I do say so myself.  Her gift is the ability to find things that many of us can't find, especially tunnel vision males like her husband.  She does not enjoy portraits or posing type pictures.  She can find the shots that would not be obvious to other people.  Enough of the shameless promotion.

I think Internet dating services like eharmony.com and match.com are ok.  I know people who use them and are satisfied with the results.  However, I am concerned that for the Christian they may be steering us down the wrong path.  Because these services focus on the person more like us or more like we envision we want our partner to be.  This is risky.  I know for a fact I would not have picked out Deb based on our similarities.  We have more differences than similarities from this perspective.  However, if each of us is the same, probably one of us is unnecessary.  I would not be nearly the person I am were it not for the appreciation of things I gained from my wife. She has insight, interests, and abilities that I could never have. For example, her love of history, art, and some could argue useless facts.  She is amazing on Jeopardy and I have encouraged her to try and enter. As a team on Jeopardy, we could do well because I would get sports and business and she would get everything else.  Like the guy who said he teamed with Michael Jordon to score 40 points in the game (Jordan scored 36).  She is incredibly free-form, creative, and even goofy which balances my linear, tunnel vision approach.  Two of our daughters have this creative ability and one is more like me in her no-nonsense approach.


Now if she was like me, God would not have enabled me to grow like I have.  I have a much deeper appreciation for the things she brings to the table.  That is truly a God thing.  One plus one equals three.  We do marital mentoring for young couples and we encourage them to look beyond and appreciate the things their mate is and does.  We made the mistake early in our marriage of trying to change the other person to be like the other.  It does not work.  Instead after much torture, we both prayed that God would change us to be transformed so that our marriage would honor Him.  And it did.  And God threw the enjoyment in for good measure.  While we loved having children, we are now in the early phases of being empty-nesters and so far it has been a blast.  I am a better person because of Deb and hopefully she would say the same.  And the best is yet to come!