I have a friend who is totally transparent. He writes all of his biggest fears, all of his biggest failures. He lets us know exactly what is going on in his life. He lets us all know his struggles. That is so rare among guys. We tend to tough it out. People ask us how it is going and we say fine even when things clearly aren’t fine. I am totally in that camp. I won’t let you in on my world and my struggles and failures. God is working on me in that regard. He has let a few “all things” (Romans 8:28) to come into my life. He has opened up friendships and a closeness with my wife that I can share much more freely. But I would be less than honest if I said that I could truly open up. I am still very reserved. I know also part of it is that I have been running organizations and there is always the threat of perceived weakness. We guys have to be resilient, we have to be tough. Women generally let loose and let go much easier than us guys. We keep things bottled up.
What has caused me to open up more (and there is much more room for improvement) and be more vulnerable is age and maturity, but also a deep abiding trust that God has my back no matter what. One of the hardest things I have recently faced is business failure. I have never had it although I have come close. I have had to face investors and tell them that despite my best efforts, I have failed. In the process, God has given me an incredible sense of his presence. I can live with the fact that they may think I am a failure. I hope that maturity continues to grow in me.
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